Sports Match between Sportacus and TRA

FIRST HALF
It was always going to be a highly contested game.

Trouble started as early as the pre-match warm ups when team TRA demanded that as no one wants the number 2 on the TRA team as that suggests a binary. Everyone on Team Spartacus is, confusingly, wearing the number 2.

OK and we’re off!

That was a dangerous run by Munroe Bergdorf, neatly blocked at the last minute by AngryAttackKittens.

Madigan’s shirt is ripped and the referee orders him to get a new one, so he’s off begging to other players in the dugouts.

In an exciting new development, Team TRA have demanded that own goals count as goals against Team Sportacus.

There seems to be a bit of a fracas on the pitch as team TRA are adamant that team Spartacus, with their ladybrains, are unable to fully understand the offside rule. Much ladysplaining going on by team TRA (strangely indistinguishable from mansplaining), we hope that play resumes shortly.

But what’s this? Lilly madigan is throwing a temper tantrum on the pitch. Apparently it’s transphobic to play with balls and they want Corbyn to step in and take away the balls on the pitch as they are distressing for the TRA team.

Commentator Owen Jones suggests a parliamentary inquest into the transphobic nature of playing with balls in general and asking that items formally know as “balls” must be referred to as SPOFS (spherical playing objects for sport).

This is agreed. The crows applauds.

And what’s this? Team Sportacus Star goalkeeper Miranda Yardley is forced to leave the pitch after refusing to use the term SPOFS and colourfully telling Bergdorf to F off. Sportacus fans in the stadium erupt in solidarity when Yardley walks off the pitch with two middle fingers raised, protesting loudly. “WE’RE BOTH MEN!!!!” becomes the viral meme of the game.

The Sportacus mods are the unhappy lineswomen being yelled at by everyone.

Team TRA want to put in Danielle Muscato up front for Team Spartacus, despite the protestations of Team Spartacus.

The ref is forced to consult the new inclusion rulebook.

And it’s been allowed.

Bern’s on a run for the goal now she looks unstoppable but what’s this? Foul by Muscato and the crowd don’t like that.

Shocking, absoluetly shocking.

Dr Adrian and Dr Christian, the medics, are refusing health care to Team Sporticus on the grounds that these women are literal monsters.

Nevermind Bern’s is up and is getting ready to take the penalty…

Fae seems to be tying something on their head…. I can’t quite make it out.. it looks… no it can’t be. .. yes it is – it is a helmet that looks like an egg… Fae is making quite a show of putting it on ….it says on the side …. “see I’ve got a lady skull”

And it’s a goal!

Oh dear. Disagreement among the commentators in what is proving to be a tetchy match-up.

Graham Linehan stating that Spartacus lead by 2-0 with Owen Jones responding that Linehan has just denied the existence of Team TRA and that Linehan is on the wrong side of history.

HALF TIME
It’s half time. Less than 50% of Team TRA are playing for their starting team, nobody knows which changing room to use and one lone player has self identified as the referee and is demanding a full enquiry.

A protest has been logged: Team TRA have identified as Team Sparticus and are demanding their right to access the Sparticus changing room and bath.

The Allies have blocked access to the tunnel: if Team TRA (or Trans-Sparticus as they must henceforth be known) can’t have it, then no-one will!

It was always going to end in chaos when they scheduled the match for a Friday?

More half time shenanigans. Someone has hacked the Wikipedia entry on Team Sporticus and retrospectively transed them on the basis that some of them had short hair and they all clearly liked football. They are now suspected of being the people who really started the Stonewall riots.

At half time Madigan (her hand fluttering gently beneath her chin) appeals to the crowds for a donation to pay for a latte and an orange segment.

SECOND HALF

We’re back but there’s a delay in kicking off. Team TRA have refused to take to the pitch until after they’ve each done their Soccerette catwalk to Mr Big Stuff.

And we’re off. But what’s this? The TRA goalkeeper Jane Fae hast lost their mooncup and demands a break in play while they find it and their cranberry juice. The ref decides to agree to give the ground staff chance to pick up all the errant chicken fillets.

Munroe Bergdorf is rolling around the pitch in agony complaining of period pains and the start is suspended

We’re just hearing match commentator Graham Linehan has been attacked by fellow commentator Owen Jones for daring to say that team Sportacus has scored some points and seems to be playing a fair game. Jones is in time-out in his own media room, which we have furnished with soft toys and soundproofed so as not to offend his delicate sensibilities.

It’s 3-2 to the Sportacus Feminists, but the TRAs are self-identifying as having scored 6 goals.

Cries of ‘Die terf scum’ from the stands causes confusion and prompts an official pitch inspection.

No dye or scum is found on the turf and play resumes…

It’s a red card for Jane Fae!!!

The ref has sent her off for skewering the SPOF with a knitting needle whilst saving a cracking shot to goal from Ditum.

Penelty awarded and Sweary steps up to take the shot as team TRA hastily replace goalie Jane Fae with substitute Shon Faye.

Faye’s taking a while to get on the pitch – we are hearing from the dugout that there’s an been an issue with SF’s pre-match ritual where inspirational songs from Erasure seem to have been appropriated by Team Sportacus.

Mumsnet supporters have got wind of the development and are now singing Respect loudly from the stands.

The ref’s not buying it though and Shon Faye finally steps into goal attaching a talisman of some sort to the post. Ah we are informed it’s a inspirational picture (aka mirror).

Sweaty lines up the shot and “GOAL!!!”. Right in the top corner.

And what’s this? Shon Faye booked as he’s caught trying to erase the Spartacus score from the scoreboard.

Team Mumset don’t look happy.

Madigan has only had 3 touches of the spherical playing object for sport in the entire game because he is too busy trying to get all the Spartacus players sent off.

Match suspended! Little Owen Jones has taken the SPOFS and gone home, but not before shouting My Gender Neutral Parent is bigger than your Gender Neutral Parent.

Absolute scenes here, folks, absolute scenes!

Team Sporticus got a SPOFS from one of their cars and the games on again.

But what’s this? After confirring with team TRA, the ref has announced that mentioning or kicking the ball is a literal foul and, depending on the context, could lead to a yellow or red card or not.

Team TRA are swishing their hair and grabbing their crotches in triumph while Team Mumset seek clarification to know how proceed with the game.

Team TRA decide to change the laws of physics and the game resumes.

But wait! Madigan has run off the field in tears because the SPOFS came towards them, they cowered and tried to swat it but they broke a nail. Has started a crowd funder once more.

Morgane oger has been sent on as a replacement and is threatening legal action against said SPOFS for violently attacking Lilly and all on the tra team.

Claims that’s the law in Canada and by extension in Europe.

In newer developments, the referee has ruled that hands CAN be used in the game, but only if they identify as feet.

Team TRA is now wearing the same jerseys as team Sportacus, and accuse team Sportacus of literal murder because they’re still not passing the SPOFS to them.

The match is resumed . R0wland recieves and that’s a beautiful bit of footwork there, past Lees, past Chandler – interception by Lees – freekick.

Team Sportacus’s star striker Datun is going to take the free kick.

Team TRA are having trouble protecting their crotches and looking lady-like at the same time.

Play is stopped to find a solution that isn’t ‘outing’.

A scuffle breaks out on the pitch as Bergdorf snatches the ball from Datun and insists on taking over their job as free kick taker.

Bergdorf’s had an interesting career – trying to substitute their star striker Berns, walking out to Team Sportacus who all turned their backs when Bergdorf was announced as Captain…and more recently Bergdorf, before even getting a chance to get stuck into the new role, resigned after a mass protest about the unsuitability of an unskilled TRA who often badmouths team Sportacus and knows nothing about football being their manager.

The refaree in a suprising twist has given the SPOR back to Datun . Interception by Izzard.

But what’s this? Play is suspended as Danielle Muscato is sent of f for trying to take a space on Team Sporticus that doesn’t belong to them. Muscato is heard to yell “suck my ladydick” on the way to the dugout to jeers from the Sporticus fans….

India Willoughby comes on as a sub and is greeted by boos. They sulk and start to stamp around the pitch shouting I am a woman and flashing their boobs to prove it. The boos continue…

Willoughby squares up to a supporter in the Team Sportacus stand. She looks about to headbutt them. I must say this wouldn’t be the first time Willoughby’s lost their temper on the pitch.

Willoughby is turning out to be a liability for Team TRA who are trying to look like they’ve cleaned up their act…

Oh look now. Willoughby is holding out an arm saying they were hit. I think we can all agree that supporter was at least three metres away. Dd we get it on film?

Team Sportacus battle against their female socialisation and try not to help.

The crowd is getting wild

Some consternation emerges around US players in the TRA team. Their eligibility is eventually established, and their use of the potentially offensive term ‘soccer’ is permitted, but the referee confiscates their baseball bats.

With a few minutes to go, manager, Justine Roberts dressed as a clown fish, changes all the rules.

There is chaos on the pitch. The crowd go wild.

They think it’s all over.

It is now.

The video ref is consulted, all Mumsnet mods huddle round Justine. The video ref marches over (yeah well, if TRA’s can play Sporticus, VR’s can march) and orders them all off the pitch for enforcing unfair rules.
Post match discussion includes perplexing news that the offside rule has been redefined by the Scottish Government to include any onside play identifying as offside. Pundits are claiming the offside rule has been stolen behind their backs.

There is an appeal against the VR ref decisions, but it is confirmed that potential, imagined and fabricated fouls will be treated as actual fouls, depending on both the context and which team the individual referee supports and, in some cases, their mood on the day.

There is something strange on the, now pretty deserted, pitch. A pale, lone human shape is seen stumbling about, now slumped on the terraces, now weaving aimlessly in the stands. Seemingly lost and forlorn.

The camera slowly pans towards it, revealing a figure covered in a white sheet, reminiscent of ‘play ghosts’

As the focus sharpens, you can briefly make out the words printed on the cloth, ‘The Spirit of Mumsnet’, as it vanishes.

The mods and JR head off the pitch tripping over MB who had earlier tripped over a divot and was still lying on the pitch throwing a tantrum.

There is something strange on the, now pretty deserted, pitch. A pale, lone human shape is seen stumbling about, now slumped on the terraces, now weaving aimlessly in the stands. Seemingly lost and forlorn.

The camera slowly pans towards it, revealing a figure covered in a white sheet, reminiscent of ‘play ghosts’.

As the focus sharpens, you can briefly make out the words printed on the cloth, ‘The Spirit of Mumsnet’, as it vanishes.

DJLippy Tue 19-Jun-18 22:19:25

POST MATCH ANALYSIS

There is an appeal against the VR ref decisions, but it is confirmed that potential, imagined and fabricated fouls will be treated as actual fouls, depending on both the context and which team the individual referee supports and, in some cases, their mood on the day.

This has definitely been the group to watch in the playoffs.
Off the 4 teams in Group A of the Gender Games trying to make it to the last 16 Sportacus have been seen as the underdogs by the other 3; TRA, MRA and Mermaids.

Mermaids and MRA face each other off tomorrow but there’s a general sense of apathy about the game with very little appetite for competition.

Mermaid’s Manger, Susie has made clear she’s generally unconcerned about the result and is saving her squad for the Sportacus match. She’s not even proposing to utilise star striker MimmyMum in the MRA/TRA matches and has confined her to the TwitterSpa to get her in the best mindset for Sportucus match.

Its still unclear if the heavily anticipate Sportacus/Mermaids match will go ahead however, as official are still debating Susie’s demands for the match to be played in Thailand, whilst Sportacus have launched a counter claim that many mermaids team members are under age and not eligible to play.

We contacted Susie for comment and got the following “there is no debate to be had. I’ve named my squad and the location. Frankly the game shouldn’t be played at all. I’ve already decided it will be a 5-0 result and Sportacus are just bloody meanies who don’t like football”.
Sportacus PR have respond with an official eye roll and a a seemingly coded message of DFOD.

And here we are live in the TRA locker room where we are watching Jane as she Fae teaches Willoughby the knitting basics while Madigan asks Jones to get the coffees in, while flicking through a catalogue of nice prams and Bergdorf looks over their shoulder can’t decide which ones look the most glamorous.

Back to the studio with news hot off the press. Whoever tops this group will face Saudi Arabia in the last 16. What a match that will be. I don’t fancy Madigan’s chances of getting through a match against those gals without breaking a nail.

Just a reminder to tune in tomorrow for coverage of the Group C matches where will will be watching team GCJ (gender critical jounos) vs team STHP (Spineless Try Hard Politicians).
Both teams are looking to field some strong players with team GCJ putting forwards Turner, Freeman and Kirkup on from start of play. It’s a solid and experienced team of whom much is anticipated.

STHP have already announced star defenders Corbyn and Butler will be playing despite scoring a number of home goals in the pre-tournament friendlies with the forwards largely being pulled from the LibDem LGBTQXYZRDG academy (known for its particularly combative style of play).

The other match in this group is expected to less well contested with team YTL (YouTube Lesbians) captained by Peachy Yoghurt to dominate from the kick off over Riley Denis’s YTGDM (YouTube Genitals Don’t matter ) team.

Remember these two have clashed repeatedly, with Peachy always leading her team to a decisive victory.

West Yorks Police are out in force to support Mermaids with the Leeds constabulary also highly represented. Suzie sidles up to them and whispers in one’s ear. He winks at her and taps his nose.
Parker is centre forward of Team Sportacus today. A contraversial choice, but she is looking confident and there’s no denying her track record.

An interesting piece of trivia… Suzie and Mimmy from Team Mermaids have consulted with the stadium and all the associations prior to the match. A very successful and well-received presentation called ‘Moving the Goalposts for Fair Play’ – some really shocking and unsubstantiated statistics along with emotive pleas got everyone motivated to start making major changes straight away.
This should be our least triggering game so far.

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FauxDP — yes, I’m the great pretender

daisypuke | lloydbradford@hotmail.co.uk | IP: 86.1.186.97

Species: Troll
Sub-species: Impostor Troll

This troll has been impersonating “Daisy Puke”, a legitimate and respected radfem blogger around these parts for the last few weeks. He seems so obsessed with Daisy, that he even set up a blog in her name. Not that it has anything of intellect other than hate speech directed personally and generally towards females. *Yawn* Originality is not his strong suit either.

I will give him a ‘thank you’ for trolling here though, mainly because it saved me precious minutes of my day to pick up his details (rather than having to go look for them).

I would also diagnose that FauxDP is a lonely attention-seeker, and trolled here in order to get noticed (mainly because most of the radfem bloggers have already blocked him).

FauxDP, you’ve now had your allotted 15 seconds* of fame, now be a good little troll; back under your bridge for you, and quietly and discretely implode (back into the obscurity and patheticness from whence you came).

*15 seconds is the maximum allotted fame time in the radfem blogosphere. Minutes would be a mind-numbingly, braincell-annihilating affair.

*EDIT*
I was so bored by this troll, I needed something to brighten my day. For your enjoyment I give you the classic version of the song in the YouTube below, lyrics underneath.

Oh-oh, yes I’m the great pretender
Pretending that I’m doing well
My need is such I pretend too much
I’m lonely but no one can tell

Oh-oh, yes I’m the great pretender
Adrift in a world of my own
I’ve played the game but to my real shame
You’ve left me to dream all alone

Too real is this feeling of make-believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can’t conceal

[Oh-oh] yes I’m the great pretender
Just laughin’ and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I’m not, you see
I’m wearin’ my heart like a crown
Pretending that you’re still around

Too real is this feeling of make-believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can’t conceal

[Oh-oh] yes I’m the great pretender
Just laughin’ and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I’m not, you see
I’m wearin’ my heart like a crown
Pretending that you’re still around [still around]

I’m guessing about 12 years old

“It’s annoying feminists like yourself that deserve to die in a fire. 🙂 Please go to hell you bitch and never get laid.”

Gives fake email addy, name of “Shawn Meyer”, IP: 192.101.80.14

The use of a smiley emoticon after telling me to “die in a fire” is particularly troubling, showing this person to probably be someone who would be a serial killer – if he weren’t so cowardly that he is reduced to only attacking people from behind the imagined anonymity of his keyboard.

Martha (aka Booboo)

Name: “Martha zenklová” (aka Booboo)
Email: maria@hotmail.com
Blogger profile: http://www.blogger.com/profile/42239
IP: 72.232.131.23 (a US company; layeredtech.com)

Booboo is back trying to piss in every corner. Go and get your nappy changed.

Misogynists

Dan Factor  and Voices of Reason IP 72.232.131.22

[29/12/06 I’ve editied this post since realising that many bloggers come under the above IP address] 

 Below are some frequent Trolls

 Voice of Reason

“Ur just a bunch of ugly fat skanks on their period”

Dan Factor  

who criticises me for taking photos of men who read porn, cos I’m imposing my views on him boo hoo! He is a persistant troll, sending me at least one deriding comment a day, and emailing me privately.

He has just nominated me Twat of the Year 2006 on Moron Farmers. What an honour! But more seriously, he referrs to the feminist direct action on charliegrrl blog as sex terrorism and ‘one step away from the taliban’.

From his profile on a messageboard, I’ve gathered that he lives in London, born 1st Aug 1979 , and supports his local football club Leyton Orient and Arsenal.

For stupidity and being repetitively boring

Feminist hater hate@mail.com 130.232.64.23

For sounding like an entitled penis waver who became distressed when his search for “Britney’s crotch” brought him to a radical feminist blog. Get over it and grow a spine, brain anything!

Get a life and stop boring me to death.

IeriWinner – gross stupidity and pointlessness

IeriWinner_3 | google.com | IP: 72.232.131.23
IeriWinner_7 | google.com | IP: 212.24.48.205
IeriWinner_25 | google.com | IP: 212.24.48.159
IeriWinner_20 | google.com | IP: 72.232.131.23
IeriWinner_53 | google.com | IP: 212.24.48.220
IeriWinner_27 | google.com | IP: 72.232.131.23
IeriWinner_63 | google.com | IP: 72.232.131.23
IeriWinner_83 | google.com | IP: 212.24.48.226
IeriWinner_41 | google.com | IP: 212.24.48.220

Crime: Gross stupidity and pointlessness.

This troll just puts its links to Google, and promotes it’s blog as Google, using the same message:

HI! I’ve have similar topic at my blog! Please check it..
Thanks.
[url=http://www.google.com][/url]

Trollbuster advice: Delete on sight, better still – mark as SPAM if you have Akismet

Dick Masterson – dick by name, dick by nature

Dick Masterson | dickmasterson@gmail.com | menarebetterthanwomen.com |
IP: 66.121.246.24

Crime: Persistent misogynist messages to the Speakout blog.

Give it up dick.
You bore me.

Has all now been revealed? JackGoff

UPDATETrollbuster now rescinds the assumption that JackGoff is the troll known as martha/booboo. Please accept Trollbuster’s apology. Trollbuster was satisfied with various pieces of evidence (at least neutralising the original assumption). Trollbuster will leave the original post, primarily as a warning that these trolls are impersonating feminists and pro-feminists, and advise all blog owners to raise security on their blogs.

Additional update – Martha/BooBoo has an additional identity: “Marian”
marian | maria@hotmail.com | md1992.blogspot.com | IP: 72.232.131.23

* * * * *
ORIGINAL POST

jack | jackgoff@aol.com | jackgoff.blogspot.com | IP: 4.153.241.250

Supposedly a pro-feminist, JackGoff is also pro-porn (or anti-censorship or whatever), and doesn’t like radical feminists – well, he’s not very nice to them – here’s one comment he made to a radfem:

Sexual = Sexist. Gotcha. Now, go to hell.

  • pandagon.net/2006/10/05/well-the-worm-can-was-just-sitting-there-next-to-the-can-opener#comment-212670

Two troll comments came into the Speakout Against Male Violence blog. Normally I wouldn’t publish the words, but my reasons are twofold. The first reason is show a typical example of the standard of troll comments (try not to be intimidated by the ‘superior’ intellect).

I like my women the way I like my chicken….battered. And even better yet…beer battered!!!hahahahahfucking dyke hag bitches. GO TO HELL!!!!

  • Dec 7, 6:16 AM [Speakout blog: Policeman Jailed for Sex with 14yo, unpublished]

FUCK YOU CLITLICKING FEM-NAZI DYKE HAG SEMEN SWILLING ASS CHURNING SHIT EATING BITCHES!!!!

  • Dec 7, 6:18 AM [Speakout blog: Troll policy, unpublished]

In the first comment, it is an almost identical comment, left on the same blog by “Martha” in October:

I like my women the same way I like my chicken…battered!! And beer battered are the best!!!!

The only difference between Martha’s post and Jack’s is the additional “Go to hell” sentiment at conclusion. As we have seen, JackGoff likes to hurl this instruction at radfems. (This was the second reason I published the comments.)

So, it appears that the mystery is somewhat solved – Martha = Martha Zenklova = BooBoo = JackGoff.

Note that Martha’s initial tasteless joke was NEVER published (either here or at the Speakout blog).

See also Trollbuster’s posts: “martha zenklova” “martha zenklova (aka booboo)” and “booboo

MikeeUSA

MikeeUSA | mikeeusaa@yahoo.com | cat2.dynserv.org/bb/viewforum.php?f=43 | IP: 72.232.131.22

Name: MikeeUSA
Email: mikeeusaa@yahoo.com
MRA blog: mikeeusa.blogspot.com
MRA anti-feminist forum: cat2.dynserv.org/bb/viewforum.php?f=43

MRA variety troll. Delete on sight. Particularly annoying because of the SAME DAMN message posted at most of the radfem blogs.

Trollbuster has now given him a damn good slapping with her bingo wings.